The Grand used to be so grand it was enough to be seen just walking past it on a Sunday morning.On opening in 1867 it became the largest hotel in Europe.It was where the aristocracy came to take the spa waters; where, from the galleries overlooking its triple-height entrance hall, ‘ballgowned ladies could choose the moment to make their descent of the operatic main staircase,’ wrote Andrew Martin in his book, To The Sea By Train.In 1939, the hotel became the home to RAF trainees and the corner cupolas housed anti-aircraft guns. Winston Churchill stayed here during a Conservative Party Conference.Today? Somewhat different. The grubby sign above the chipped pillars by the entrance sets the tone. Steps lead to battered swing doors on which various signs have been stuck, such as ‘no smoking on stairs’ and ‘no public toilets’. Scarborough’s Grand Hotel was once frequented by the aristocracy The operatic grand staircase is a hallmark of the hotel’s heyday Scarborough was once one of the nation’s favourite seaside spots, attracting families from all over the country to its golden sandy shoresThe lobby is given over to dark, faux leather armchairs, plastic ferns, slot machines and Find A Key games (‘winner every time!’). The air is perfumed by fry-ups.Social media is awash with posts about how The Grand, part of the Britannia chain – and a Butlins at one time – is the worst hotel in the country. Two years ago, a local Tory councillor described it as the ‘shame of Scarborough’ and promised to force a compulsory purchase order on the building.Nothing came of that – and, since then, a new carpet has been laid and some of the long passages have at least made contact with a paint brush. Staff are polite.My allocated room (£59) has sea views – technically, at least – but you can barely see the town’s famous South Bay for the guano (excrement) from seagulls splattered on the window that can’t be opened.I head back to Reception. ‘The window is filthy,’ I tell the man on duty. ‘Yes, I know, but there’s not much we can do about that,’ he says. No, except hire some window cleaners, perhaps. Mark explains how the ‘grand’ lobby is given over to dark, faux leather armchairs, plastic ferns and slot machines Today the hotel is not quite as grand, with a grubby exterior sign Seagulls have been nesting in window sills of the Grand Hotel, much to Mark’s chagrinBut he does give me a different room. It’s not much of an improvement. There’s no soap dispenser in the tiny shower cubicle (perish the thought that there might be some shampoo), no bath mat (not that there’s a bath), the fridge is empty and the curtain rail needs fixing.But at least there’s some natural light; many of the 413 rooms have no windows.Before dinner, I take a walk, keen to see how Britain’s first seaside town is celebrating 400 years since the discovery of mineral springs, from which its fame spread across the world.Well, Jasper Carrott is doing a turn later this month at the Spa Entertainment and Conferencing Venue, with support from Strictly Abba. During my visit on a Tuesday, there’s not much going on along the seafront and some of the fish and chip shops and ice cream parlours have closed early.It’s hard to imagine Anne Bronte fell in love with Scarborough following her visit in 1840 and then returned on several occasions, mainly for medical reasons. She is buried in the graveyard of St Mary’s Church near the castle. Many of the 413 rooms have no windows – only a few, including Mark’s, have natural lightI take the funicular tram back up to the Grand, arriving at 7.30pm, expecting to partake of the hotel’s three-course dinner for £17.50.‘You’ve missed it. The restaurant opens at 5.30pm and closes at 7pm,’ says a member of staff. I can’t say I’m disappointed; there’s a half-decent Italian around the corner – and a young man on stage in the hotel’s entertainment hall is murdering Frank Sinatra’s My Way.But I’m in good time for breakfast (‘all you can eat’ for £11.95). The dining room is almost 100 yards long and would be much improved if a window was opened. The Grand is crying out for fresh air in every sense of the phrase. TRAVEL FACTS Singles, without a window, from £55; doubles, with window, from £59 (britanniahotels.com, 01723 375371). <!- – ad: https://mads.dailymail.co.uk/v8/us/travel/none/article/other/mpu_factbox.html?id=mpu_factbox_1 – ->
And here’s the rub. Yes, this once renowned, Grade II-listed, Victorian building, designed by architect Cuthbert Brodrick around the theme of time, with its four towers representing the seasons, 12 floors for the months of the year, 52 chimneys symbolising the weeks, and with 365 original bedrooms, could be magnificently restored – but would cost billions. No investors would ever make back their money.So it languishes in the hands of the Britannia group, offering some of the cheapest and most depressing accommodation in the UK, lowering the tone in a town that deserves so much better.On the way to the excellent Scarborough Art Gallery, I get talking to a homeowner armed with clippers to tackle his privet hedge. He asks me where I stayed the night.‘The Grand,’ I tell him. ‘You won’t be doing that again,’ he says.