Travellers who etch ‘Keeping up with the Joneses’ at the top of their travel wish-list could be buying themselves a one-way ticket to Vulgar-ville, according to one leading taste expert.
‘Queen of Etiquette’ Laura Windsor suggests that the British middle classes often plot trips based entirely around the bragging rights they might earn ahead of their next dinner party, rather than enjoying an authentic travel experience.
Here, Windsor offers her frank analysis of some of the not inexpensive holidays that masquerade as posh…but are actually deeply unoriginal – and ouch, even tacky, she says.
A GLAMPING GETAWAY
It’s a tent, essentially. The middle classes love paying through the nose for a souped up canvas abode
Proper duvets, perhaps a wood laminate floor underfoot and garlands of twinkly lights – but you still have to traipse to the loos if nature calls at 3am.
Glamping, borne out of the festival scene, changed the landscape of camping in the noughties – and now almost every UK site has a spot or two for souped-up bell tents or yurts, often charging three times the price for a pitch.
Photogenic they may be, but you might be better off sticking to a simple pop-up for two says our taste guru.
‘There’s nothing glamorous about glamping – it’s just camping with a “g”. Rather g for gauche.’
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POSH ALL-INCLUSIVES
Posh all-inclusives are all the rage amongst the middle classes…who turn their noses up at more humble package holidays. They’re exactly the same, says Windsor
All-inclusive breaks, commonly associated with culture-free 1980s flop-and-drop holidays, can evoke a snooty response – but they’re not entirely different to those that aim at a higher class customer.
For example, Club Med’s summer holiday destinations may be filled with doctors, lawyers and teachers but it’s very much a case of same concept, slightly better buffet.
‘Luxury is about exclusivity’, says Windsor. ‘Having an all-inclusive holiday is just another excuse to drink and eat as much as possible.’
THE COSTA RICA BRAG
Yes, the wildlife’s incredible…but Central America’s wildlife hotspot Costa Rica has become overrun with tourists – particularly from the US
Yes, this central American country is beautiful…with some of the rarest flora and fauna on the planet – but it’s also only a three-hour flight from Texas.
While middle-class families may love being able to tell their pals they mingled with sloths and capuchin monkeys, they might gloss over the fact they also spent a lot of time with US tourists – there’s absolutely nothing intrepid about Costa Rica anymore.
Windsor wasps: ‘There are many more places aside from Costa Rica to visit to admire luscious landscapes and beautiful beaches.
‘If everyone is going there and there’s a possibility of bumping into your next door neighbour, what’s the point?’
THE CENTER PARCS WEEKEND
Some have suggested Center Parcs has become ‘too busy’, with the quality of experiences not in line with the high prices
Since the late 1980s, Center Parcs has reigned supreme with family weekenders wanting some fresh air fun – and some two million people now holiday at the five Center Parcs villages every year.
However, ongoing criticism over high holiday costs and ‘too mainstream’ dining options, at venues including Bella Italia, haven’t helped the holiday operator’s image in recent years.
Is it now a downmarket holiday choice? No, but you if you judge it solely on the brand’s food restaurant chains – including Bella Italia and The Pancake House – you might feel otherwise, says Windsor.
‘Just because it says it’s an Italian doesn’t guarantee you will eat well. High prices may not justify the quality and taste of the food.
‘Chains aren’t necessarily sophisticated as sometimes they sacrifice customer care and product quality over profits.’
THE ONCE IN A LIFETIME (NEVER AGAIN) SAFARI
Many tourists who’ve taken a recent safari holiday have been frank about what to expect, with TikToker @charlieonhistravels warning of long, bumpy rides waiting to spot animals
Once firmly the preserve of the upper classes – the Royal Family are particularly fond of them, a trip to a game reserve has become increasingly mass market in recent years.
On social media, there are insights into just how saturated the safari market has become, with images and videos showing 4x4s sat bumper-to-bumper on dirt track roads at dawn in a bid to catch animals in the best light of the day.
Pumping out petrol fumes, inside, they’re crammed with tourists who’ll apparently stop at nothing to get the perfect shot or footage of the Big Five – lion, leopard, elephant, buffalo and rhino, in their natural habitat.
Says Windsor: ‘Safaris are great despite the high prices. It’s healthy to get up at 5am and well worth it so long as you are not surrounded by hundreds of tourists to spot one lion.
‘Exclusivity and a guarantee that you won’t be inundated by tourists as well as sighting plenty of wildlife.’
A CORNISH STAYCATION
Swap the South West for the South of France if you want to be truly chic, says the taste expert
St Ives swarms with dry robe-wearing middle class folk in peak season, who faithfully make the six-hour schlep from South West London so they can regale friends with tales of surf lessons, trips to the Eden Project and bellowing into the wind at Land’s End. They gloss over the fact there was nowhere to park, it rained all week and the locals were rude to them.
‘Cornwall? Yes, tacky and the weather can be awful. If the locals don’t want you there – and show it, and you’re stuck mingling with the masses at St Ives, I would opt for the south of France instead,’ says Windsor.
‘Why? Guaranteed weather, great food and wine, beautiful villages and warm water! Gurgling English sparkling wine from Sussex and Kent can’t beat champagne.’
THE HALF-TERM SKI BREAK
You can set your watch by the middle classes making for the mountain when the spring term breaks in February, with brands such as Mark Warner and Club Med enjoying loyalty that has spanned generations.
‘Our kids have been skiing since they could walk’, pleased parents will tell people when describing how their annual trip has benefitted their brood.
What does Windsor make of it? ‘I would much rather fly to a destination where tourists are sparse, like Aspen.
‘When the slopes are packed and all you see are ski boarders jumping above your head, and ruining the snow when they land and skiers swooshing by you at 100mph, that’s when it becomes tiring.’
VIRAL JAPAN
Japan’s having a moment – with well-heeled families ticking off the country’s key sites…but if you’re following the tourist trail, you’re not seeing the best of it, says Windsor
Join the elbows-at-dawn hordes to pass through the domino red gates at Fushimi Inari Taisha, see the nodding deer in Nara Park and shop for anime in Tokyo – oh, and ride the shinkansen bullet train…but know this is Japan for tourists.
‘If you go to Japan, you need to experience the local flavour,’ says our etiquette expert.
‘Seek out-of-the-way watering holes – a sophisticated person keeps away from the tourist traps and avoids the usual activities that most tourists follow.
‘Being independent, using one’s imagination and doing a bit of research beforehand can reap benefits. Japan is great but touristic Japan isn’t.’
THE LAPLAND DAY TRIP
Taking your brood to actual Lapland to see actual Santa (almost) feels like another feather in the travel cap – but, despite costing thousands, it’s often underwhelming.
Herded onto coaches in thermal tracksuits, there’s a swift meet-and-greet with the man, a little sledging and then it’s dark by 2pm and you’re back on the four-hour flight from Lapland.