The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season Finale Recap: Still Waters Run Deep

Jennifer, Bill, and their approximately three dozen children go out to a hibachi dinner, where the smaller members of the family emit a great deal of complaints, bathroom requests, and miscellaneous other noises.

Olivia — who, mark my words, will one day release a single to rival that of global, international, worldwide New Jersey recording superstar Milania Giudice — offers to finish her soup in exchange for her parents buying her an unspecified “two things” at Target.

In her unwavering support of Danielle, Tre is effectively suggesting you turn a blind eye when your otherwise charming dinner date abuses the waitstaff.

“So tell me, was anything said about me tonight?” is how Danielle opens a private conversation with Teresa, and is also what I will now say upon entering any room, including doctor’s offices and funeral parlors and the DMV, for the rest of my life.

“Because I’m promoting the beauty of my wife,” Marty retorts, in what is no doubt his greatest contribution to this television program, and very possibly to human society in general.

The yelling, poking, and cursing escalates until Marty says Margaret “emasculates” Joe, at which point the couple jointly pushes him — sharing culpability like all those Roman senators stabbing Caesar — into the cleansing, color-changing, LED-lit waters of the Aydins’ pool.

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